Posts tagged dating

When someone from the past comes back into your life and wherever you last saw them, or knew them, is where they’ve stayed, in your mind anyway.  My seventh grade gym teacher, Mr. Kappa, is probably not stalking around Paul Revere Middle School, in too short shorts, a mustache akin to that of a walrus and a whistle, seemingly glued to his lips. But, this is how he appears to me when I look back.

I ran into this guy I went to elementary school with. Actually he found me on Facebook.  Social Networking websites are the double edged swords of the 21st century.  I was a little excited. He looked good (according to his fb picture). I’d a MAJOR crush on this kid in 3rd grade. It’s weird, I’m in my 30s but I remember 3rd grade clearly. We sat across from each other in Ms. Redway’s class. Me and my bff, Cydney  teased him every chance we got. How else was he supposed to know I liked him?

It was crazy that he found me when he did. My girlfriends and I were planning a trip to Miami. He’d just moved to Miami…………  At the time I thought, it must mean something.  In hindsight, I go back and forth between resigning to the randomness of life and insisting it all happens for a reason.  The older I get I find myself subscribing to the ‘random’ theory.   I wonder if I’m growing more cynical and bitter or just rejecting the happy ending  that romantic comedies try to convince us is in our imminent future. 

We hung out the second to last day of our trip.  When I saw him, it was weird? I remembered this gray and white striped t shirt he wore. I think it was an Ocean Pacific shirt. (Don’t be alarmed, I’m not some obsessed stalker.)   I just have a involuntary capacity for random and mostly useless information. I’ve been called a human tape recorder. I know commercial jingles, the latest Top 40, movie quotes and all kinds of trivia.   I am a beast when it comes to Six Degrees to Kevin Bacon. Ask my co-workers. From time to time they try to stump me.  I’ve got IMDB etched on my brain..

We hung out, literally, up to the time I had to leave. In total, we saw each other for 40 hours.  I had to race to the airport so I wouldn’t miss my flight home.   We kept in touch for a while. I even went back to visit. I hadn’t seen this kid in over 11 years, before that day on the beach.   Yet, I hopped my happy ass on an airplane, and went to spend 4 days with him.  He could have grown up to be completely psychotic, but was having a fairly lucid day when we, um, re-met a few months before. But I thought  it was okay, all based on a boy who didn’t exist anymore, and that damn gray and white striped t-shirt.

 There were phone calls every other day, and cute text messages and IMS, then one day, like it usually happens in long distance relationships.    He went incog-negro on me.

That boy wouldn’t have faded away like he did.  It’s one thing to know I’ll see your retreating back.  It’s another, when I’m not prepared. 

Several weeks later, he reappeared via text.  He was thinking about me.  He wondered how I was.   He wanted to tell me he missed me.  

I didn’t reply.  I didn’t really know who this guy was.

12/16/09

Sometimes at work, I take bathroom breaks out of boredom. I’ll accompany co-workers even when I don’t have to go. Sometimes we gossip about other people in our department. We’ll talk about dating. The latter actually is the most frequent topic of discussion. My work BFF, M- would argue and break up with her boyfriend. A lot. It was any number of things, she planned all of their dates, she drove because his car was unreliable, and she felt he took her for granted. Valid arguments. My question is always, well did you talk to him about it? Her answer is always, no. She thought he should just know.

A year ago, I’d agree with her, however my dating experiences have taught me one thing: Whatever signifigance we deem any gesture, words, facial expression, etc.,etc., is about 90% less important than we, as women, believe they are. I realized this after a recent conversation with a guy I used to date. A few weeks ago I decided that I would go into 2010 clutter free. I have been cleaning house. I went through my cd collection, my books, clothes and shoes. I’ve probably donated at least 8 bags of clothing to the Goodwill. I’ve also made a few trips to Crossroads and Ameoba. The last leg of ‘clutter free in 2010 tour’ is ridding myself of all emotional opaqueness regarding the past. (Emotional opaqueness? Yeah, I said it.)

If my life were a movie, Erykah Badu’s Bag Lady would be on the soundtrack. In the last year there have been 3 situations that I still had questions about. In the spirit of that bane, I asked the dreaded question ‘Why didn’t this work out?’, the other night when I was hanging out with a friend (we dated the latter part of last year). It wasn’t because I wanted a redux. I just wanted to know what his take on why we went belly up. It happened. We didn’t talk for a while and then we were friends (strictly platonic) again, like nothing ever happened. My girlfriends were more puzzled by this, than I was. It was like their Rubik’s Cube or something. You’re friends? Really? How does that work? What happened? Huh? And I didn’t have an explanation, it just was.

I’d prepared for, ‘I met someone else’, or, ‘I just didn’t see a future.’ His answer? He didn’t like that I e-mailed him when I was pissed, and that he felt like I got mad at him for being him (he runs off to be a real life Indiana Jones about 4 weeks out of the year).

I HATE when people are upset and just let whatever comes to mind, come flying out of their mouths, so yes, I preferred to compose my thoughts before confronting people. What can I say, I grew up in a house where people didn’t yell. If my mom and I were upset with each other, we had a ‘cooling off period’ before we discussed whatever the issue was. Ok, fine I can see how that would be an issue. If the roles were reversed that would be something to discuss and work on. Not, as Hath says,’ pack up your toys and go home’. As far as him leaving, bon voyage, it was when he was out of town for a wedding for 5 days and he went incognegro on me, that I got upset. No carrier pigeon, not a smoke signal, nothing. Do I still sound upset? Cause I’m not. I’m just saying, is all.

In hindsight, as my friend Charles bluntly put it, he didn’t care as much as I did.

Right.

I guess I was excited to meet someone that got my sense of humor, who I didn’t have to have radio wars with, because we liked a lot of the same music, who made me laugh and who I could talk to about anything. Anything? Anything.

I thought about my past relationships. I felt pretty confident that everyone was clear regarding why it ended.
As I listened to his explanation, I realized we could’ve continued the discussion into the next morning but we’d never be talking about the same thing. Had we been in the same relationship?

It was a little discombobulating, so, much so that he wondered if I was still listening.

Yes. Yes I was.

I wished him a good trip. I asked him to e-mail me when he arrived at his first destination, (just so I would know he at least made it safely) knowing he probably wouldn’t.  (However, he surprised me a few days later with an e-mail.)

As he turned to leave, he’d asked if I would have any other questions for him. I said I wouldn’t.

I’d joked at dinner earlier that evening, that I was done looking back, not even to check out how great my ass looked in whatever it was I was wearing.

The latter was a lie.