It was a day like any other day in the basement, pissed off jurors, phones ringing off the hook, and my corner of the office trading juror anecdotes.  This job has afforded me tons of writing material.  Please believe me.  However, that day our banter was stifled by anticipation.  We had a meeting last week. The department head announced that there would be lay-offs.  Of course, we were all nervous. 

Could she have been more vague?  Immediately everybody with less than 3 years on the job began to speculate. There were so many rumors.  The pink slip would be inside your next paycheck.  It’s based on seniority.  Nobody would actually be laid off, just demoted or you’d be notified via mail.

If I describe my state as anxious it feels inadequate. (I can’t think of another word now.)  I couldn’t talk to people.  I could only stare at my computer monitor as if it were the most interesting thing I’d ever seen.  One of the administrators came down.  He escorted a girl who’d started a few months after me.  I quickly calculated why she would go first…  Oh…  Her last name starts with ‘a’.  I created a mental checklist of everyone hired after me.  The list is not long, 4 people to be exact.  I am sweating, like a hooker in church.  If they were going in alphabetical order, I’d be the last one to go.  As I’d predicted, my co-workers were escorted upstairs.  

And then there’s just me and one other person.  I start packing.   I didn’t want to have to come back to the office and face everyone.  I’d have rather eaten glass… 11:30 rolls around and I’m at my desk swiping at tears rolling down my face. I’m not hungry, but I gotta get out of the office. I walk outside to the loading docks, and one by one they exit the building, with large manilla envelopes in their hands.  We’re all crying now. 

The last person to be called upstairs starts laughing. 

‘What’s up?’ I ask. 

‘I think you’re safe,’, she says.  ‘I doubt they’d go to lunch if they weren’t through, right?’ 

Right.  I start crying even harder. 

‘You’re safe! What the hell?’ 

‘I know, and I’m relieved and I feel shitty for being relieved because all of you are going.’ 

We group hug.  A couple of other people come out of the office to commiserate. My boss walks up, ‘I hate to break up the party but you all have to go back to work.’  

Witch?  Yep.

The office is eerily quiet when I return.  I rub my face with a paper towel and  start unpacking my desk.