I hate meeting new people, almost as much as I hate the Trump combover. As far as I’m concerned both are ridiculous and unnecessary. I’ve had the same friends since high school, and a few since elementary. It’s not that I’m shy. I’m just leery of strangers. Period. There are at least two reasons I can think of off the top of my head. The first being, my mother.

When I was about 7 or 8 there was a string of kidnappings in our neighborhood. My mother would test my ‘stranger mode’. We might be riding in the car and she’d say ‘I’m a stranger, I pass you on the street and stop to ask you someting. What do you say?’

’ I’d tell them what they needed to know because I’d want them to help me if I needed it.’

‘Wrong! I’m a stranger. You don’t talk to me. You keep moving. Understand?’

I nodded my head yes.

‘I can’t hear you.’

‘But you said not to talk to you.’


Or, it could be because of my frist day of kindergarden. I was on my own on the playground. My teacher walked over and suggested I try and make friends. I begrudgingly walked over to the nearest kid to ask if he wanted to play. Hector responded by punching me in the stomach. I doubled over in pain, as Hector got scolded by the teacher.

I don’t know why I don’t like meeting people…..