Three years ago, my truth was, I was lost. I was laid off and I’d just closed on my condo. I had no idea where I wanted to go career wise. Without the daily grind of a full time job, I got lots of time alone with my thoughts. I was lonely, so lonely. And at the same time I found being around other people to be exhausting. I didn’t want to smile and nod. I didn’t want to talk about the weather, movies, sports, love or any other subject polite small talk volleys around. I began to go numb. My truth became invisibility. I just wanted to disappear, to fade away. I couldn’t see it getting better. I’d cry and cry. I’d beg God for help, because I entertained thoughts of going to sleep and never waking up. It didn’t scare me, mostly I just felt relieved.
And somehow, in the far recesses of my mind, I knew this wasn’t right. Like, putting your shoes on the wrong feet or something. And that part of me knew I needed help.
And God wasn’t getting back to me fast enough. I figured meds would be my life raft. And they were. But, there was something I remained ignorant of for a very long time. I went to church and prayed and read, looking for God. And the whole time God was in me, the part of me that said, maybe you need help.
I saved myself.
We can save ourselves.
You can spend months, years trying to find ‘your way back’. Being lost is part of being found. Once you figure that out, you’ll know you are exactly where you are supposed to be. So, how could you ever be lost?
